he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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