I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
