hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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