shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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