I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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