So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize