I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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