dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
