A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
