i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
