Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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