hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
