Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
