oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
