I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Be still, my beating vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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