yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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