it's not cheating when I paid for it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
