When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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