just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
