Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
