Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
