its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
