He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Randomize
