Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
