I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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