it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
