Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
