shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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