get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
