hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
