Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
