I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
