guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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