I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're so nebulous sometimes
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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