i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
