shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
