I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
