there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
