I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
