I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
