Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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