a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
