Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize