dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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