I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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