Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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