I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
