I smell stomach acid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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