**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
