Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
