i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
