capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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