I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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