K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
