So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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