can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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