You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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