i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
