TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
