Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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