I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
