I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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