i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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