Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
