im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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