That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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