What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize