I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
