she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
false alarm, still single
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