I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
