batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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