Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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