No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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