One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
